Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
My vagina just recognized that song.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
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Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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