After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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