he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
