Soap is not a condiment
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She told me I should be a condom model.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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