my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
It's blow job season.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
