You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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