u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
