Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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