Got a toothbrush?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
