I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
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He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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