my soul wont recognize me after tonight
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
