i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
