Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
