This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
