I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
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And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
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I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
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