Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
