I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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