Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
