The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
