I swear she didn't look like that last week.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
