I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just want to make out with him forever
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
It's shark week go big or go home
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize