butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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