I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
