He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Can you bring me the toilet please
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
