I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
