I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
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