New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
