Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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