accomplished twins. life is a go
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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