Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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