i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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