between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
