I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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