So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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