I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
