I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm sobbing to NWA
that is very illegal...i love you.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
