I like my sex mixed with concussions.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I want to fling myself into the sun
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
