That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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