i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
