dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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