so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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