i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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