She is in my trunk
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
