she was so not down for the gang bang
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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