Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize