my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
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You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
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The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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