Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I FOUND THE LEGS
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
