The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Banned from zoo.
Again?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
