I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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