So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
you will always have a special place in my vag
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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