When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
