My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
