We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again