Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE