i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
