we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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