Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
