there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
