I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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