so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
