I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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