I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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