Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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