If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
