Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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